something like laughter

Donald Miller.
what can i say?
if you haven't read anything by him (Blue Like Jazz), go buy something. now. and read it. right now.
don't even finish this blog.
it'll still be here when you get back.

"Houston is no city for a guy like Paul; he doesn't fit. Time moves quickly here; people are in a panic to catch up. Paul exists within time but is hardly aware of how it passes. I check my wrist every ten minutes out of habit, and I don’t think he’s ever owned a watch. He is a minimalist. Everything he needs is in this van. His gear includes a tool box, a camping stove, a backpack, and about ten Louis L’Amour books. I think he has a pair of jeans, some shorts, and tennis shoes stuffed behind the seat, but nothing more except the clothes he is wearing. He is living proof that you can find contentment outside the accumulation of things. The closest I’ve come tot his sort of thinking was pondering the writings of Hand Thoreau. But I went to Walden Pond a year ago, just to see and feel the place, just to walk alone around the water, and they’ve made a suburb out of it. It hurts to hear the traffic rolling in through the trees. People commute from the land of Thoreaus’ solitude to Boston, to work at banks, to work at law firms. And I wonder if Walden exists anymore.

I am not talking about the real Walden, the one in Boston; I am talking about the earth God meant to speak before we finished His sentence."

so i'll just get right to it.
sometimes i doubt God.
not really doubt His power.
rather, i doubt His existance.
i look at the (seeming) chaos in the world, the endless series of meetings and partings; the heartbreaks and desires; pure hatred, and pure love; everythings else that makes up our world and the different cultures within it.
i don't understand how all this can be orchestrated.
it seems so random and unscripted.
i doubt that God is behind it.

then, in the midst of this doubt, i see that it could not possibly be this complicated if He wasn't in it.

rather, not that it couldn't be so complicated, but that it wouldn't fit together the way it does.

the way that a lost (in every sense of the word) friend found her way back into my life through someone i didn't think i'd ever see again.
the way that one group of friends are connected to another group of friends through people i would never imagine.

i suppose it's a bit of a paradox.
i suppose i'm not giving Him enough credit.
i assume that since my finite mind can't even comprehend more than say, twenty relationships at a time, He orchestrates {[i was going to say 6.6 billion, that that number is very inaccurate, since each person can have hundreds of relationships each. i think. i really can't even comprehend it. if person A knows 20 people, and person B knows 20 people, but person A and Person B know each other, then.. um.... *head explodes*]} ... YOU SEE?! i can't even understand the number of relationships between 20 people!

damn. that's one big God.